Loneliness-Calypso's curse


My friends, i'm writing a raw emotional piece after a long long time, these sort of feelings used to come to me during my second year at college, where i was really struggling with my life. it was one of the darkest periods of my life, conversely i produced some of my finest poems during that time, i guess poetry does come from powerful misery when i look back at those lines i marvel the fact that i had such dark and brooding feelings where i could have taken any addiction to any length, but thank the lord i didn't. My junior recently asked me why was i so serious, i said i'm not serious, i'm sombre and yes that does seem worse because it is worse. This feeling originates from obsessive overthinking and trust me i have had a lot of time to think about the world, my friends, my life and what will happen in the future. And sometimes it feels that i'm just existing, moving through time as it flows past me and i'm trapped in my own lethargy which i can't seem to break, a prisoner to my own sloth, a victim of my own pride, a sufferer of my own vanity and a martyr to my own vengeance. It feels like i'm a hollow shell, a husk without a soul, my body turning to dust. Yet i don't feel liberated i feel the weight of two worlds upon my back. I feel its fell presence tainting my life, perverting my thoughts, wresting away my sanctity, pushing me to the brink of sanity. I feel the curse drawing closer with its rattling breath and its foul bearing, loneliness will soon have the better of me and i'm broken into two. As i grapple with myself i realize the futility of my own actions, i feel as if i'm fading.

Comments

  1. Pranav R. HundooSeptember 29, 2009 at 1:10 AM

    Firstly, next time you make a reference to me in a post I would like you to use my name. I have one that incidentally I'm proud of.
    Secondly, I find it hard to believe that you, come on, you are experiencing waning self-belief!

    When fate plays a bitch,
    Believe in yourself,
    To live easy without a hitch,
    And life will take care of itself!

    This is just for you. Life is crappy, so man-up and go face it! Do not forget Varunda that melancholy used to repulse at the mention of your name. Don't make it your drinking buddy!!
    Agreed we are afar and there is almost no socializing, but not that far too! Chin-up and go have a drink, try and score a chick or two... You shall not fade unless you choose to and even if you choose such a path there are people like me (and loads of them) who'll come close and say: Fuck you...this isn't you..be yourself! Find yourself...

    P.S.: If nothing else works wait until the 25th for Al-Baks to work some Black Magic on the President himself!!
    Apologies to other readers who by now must have been bored to death but very frankly, who's wearing a smug expression and doesn't give a rat's ass to your feelings? You know my name!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownOctober 6, 2009 at 3:13 PM

    truly bakchodilicious....

    ReplyDelete
  3. ZainOctober 31, 2009 at 2:24 AM

    fuksolutely Backchodilicious !

    ReplyDelete
  4. RaphaelNovember 7, 2009 at 7:57 PM

    thank you zaini...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I wish i Could fly...

Image
Another haze of smoke clears from my face as i drag another lungful from the hokaah in front of me, i taste something delicious and look around to pass it to someone else, and all i see is strangers from a strange land, suddenly i realize i'm not in kansas anymore. These faces smile, joke and laugh, their eyes full of mirth, and i'm a stranger in their midst. I strain my eyes to see a familiar face, to see someone who is not an empty shell of existence, my gaze passes from face to face and i realise that i'm executing an exercise in futility, i break into sweat and in a most "inceptionesque" way wonder how i had gotten there, sadly it was not a dream and i had to live that moment for what it was. My sweat peppers my forehead despite the air-conditioning, i want to run from that place screaming at the top of my voice just to feel myself again, to convince myself that it is not a dream, but i control the panic and leave the smoke box to gather a precious few breaths
Read more

Aarambh hai prachanda...

Image
In a post i had asked what is the difference between the king and the horse, if they had the same amount of power, skill, and intelligence, the answer was very simple, the instinct to rule, the instinct to crush all opposition with extreme prejudice and to prove without doubt that the king is the one who rules, unquestioned and unchallenged. The horse is the one that lacks this sort of instinct and thus in every battle it merely becomes a tool for the king to use, and not the ruler itself. Why am i saying this... well 1. Because i want to, and 2. Because i have been thinking about the world of power, it is very alluring and murky to say the least. The quest for power is a path walked by many but nobody succeeds in getting to the end, there is no destination, just like there is no true perfection, there is no absolute power. THERE IS ONLY THE ETERNAL QUEST OF POWER . "Might is right" that is a saying and also a topic i was given to evaluate my GD skills, and obviously i was f
Read more

The pyre of Raphael, The rise of the Zen...

Image
"I have gone from the pyre of denethor, to the ashes flowing in time, from which shall rise The Zen.....this is my tao....this is my destiny....."- occasionaly Raphael, majorly The Zen There comes a time in the life of everyone, where a major upheaval or change completely shifts your view of the world. This change is almost like viewing another spectrum, like a blue or red shift on the doppler, like the rose tinted glasses on your nose have been replaced by a murkier brown, enough similies....like black and white has had more grey shoved into it.....(well maybe just one more for old times sake) The carefree wanderings and trust fostered over years, beautiful relationships wrought in gold, love given unabated, attention showered magnificently...that was the birth of Raphael. The will of fire passed down from the elders of a sublime tradition, then we became the inheritors of that will, to be passed on to the next generation, till we became the ethers and the elders of the hall
Read more