In a limbo: between a rock and a hard place


Again for my not so verbally attuned friends a limbo is "An imaginary place for lost or neglected things" which is exactly what my first love is, in an imagianry place in my head where i still cherish the desire for all the wrong things to be right again. I tried to objectively approach love in my last post where i realized that it is irrational, hurtful and imaginary but it would be conceited of me to say that it is all negative, it is lovely(tongue in cheek), empowering and very very important. But this is not a place to scientifically define and analyse love many have failed and many will fail in defining it, the most simple definition i can give is that it exists and at some point in everyone's life he/she/it will experience love. Which brings me to the reason why am i writing such a thing with the title as such. Well the reason is very simple my inability to meet a girl has given my frustrations a new voice, they used to whisper, when i said it is only a matter of time. But now they have found a new voice and they speak to me like a mocking peer and say that my inability to move on has set my fate in stone, what was barely registered a few months ago is now becoming the only voice of reason that i'm listening to. Hmmm, Moushi ma'am told me to be unequivocal in my posts so i will veer from the paths of the intangibles to the well beaten road of the verifiable.

Fact: i'm not in love
reason: i don't have a girl.
Question: Why don't i have a girl?
Answer: Because i'm scared of girls.
Fact: I have atleast 7 very very good friends who are girls.
inference: i'm not afraid of girls
Lame ass excuse: that was before january 9th 2007, i was not afraid then.
Interjection: Atleast 3 of those 7 friendships were made after that time.
Result: i'm lying.
Actual truth: i haven't found anyone because i'm in a limbo over the first one.
Interjection: You have told all of your friends at one stage or another that it was never there.
New actual truth: The logical part of me made those decisions. Hence cannot be admissible in the case of an illogical irrational emotion.

Summary: Jolly was right all along it will never be a matter of time, zain was right too, the name will always be controversial. These ravings will continue till the time....oh idon't know till when. Have i ever been good with stuff like this.

Reason for this post: Aaj tanhai mein phir unki yaad sata gayi, aaj phir unki yaad in aankhon ko rula gayi, bahut kaha tha doston ko ki bhool gaye hain hum unko, magar anjaane mein asliyat hamein phir unse vaakif kara gayi.

Comments

  1. BEYOND MILESTONESNovember 6, 2009 at 10:40 PM

    well dude...now u r speaking..just to tell you i know you...and i know you to an extend that does make me think quite a few times...you think you dont get one...but dude there are many out there who want to be right besides you...trust me.its just the aura you create around you. thrz a saying that "ppl create walls around them just to make sure who cares enough to break them"..i feel i did break your wall and i know its strength...or ye bhi bata doon ye sabki bas ki nahin ahi...you seem to be highly intellectual or devilish naughty..so this is what at times scares most to try to break...i dont say that you have an diff attitude cuz that wont be you...and key is to be yourself.and trust me the one(onviously of the opposite sex) who will break your wall will love you till eternity...but be very cautious...love is highly inflammable may cause high degree burns.

    i would just say..love actually lets you know who you actually are..and what you can be.

    satayegi yaad...rulayegi yaad...
    tanhai mein tadpayegi yaad...
    kehno ko hum bhul gye hain unko par..
    ae mere dost sacchai aj beh jati hai in palkon ke paar...
    kaiva.

    ReplyDelete
  2. RaphaelNovember 6, 2009 at 11:12 PM

    Brava, brava regazza too good kaiva san too good....i believe in you and i want to believe you....again very accurate...i'll wear my fireproof suit when i step into the aag ka dariya.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pranav R. HundooNovember 7, 2009 at 7:39 PM

    I dunno what to write. Nostalgia, frustration and the inability to change what I desperately want to have taken over and all I'll say right now's, to give up hope is the last thing you may wanna do Varunda. You need to be you and not what you pretend to be most of the time. Love shall find you. Its worth the wait. Take a lover's word for that.

    As usual the flair for speaking just what's right at just the right time was evident. This is what makes you such a unique blogger my brother. Never lose that personal touch.

    ReplyDelete
  4. DeepankarNovember 8, 2009 at 10:39 AM

    I read just the final points. Can't tolerate long sentences and rants anymore. Love (Non-platonic, that's you) is instinct. It can be only be countered by another equally strong instinct. Find yourself something for which you have a passion. Something primal, for which the you don't have to use higher brain functions. I'm good at trekking because I fell in love with it first, not the other way round. Find your _instinct_...

    ReplyDelete
  5. RaphaelNovember 9, 2009 at 4:42 PM

    hai shiro sensei, this makes a lot of sense.

    ReplyDelete

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